And yes I do take medication!

18 months ago my depression and anxiety and stress levels were at their worst. It’s the worst I’ve ever felt. I didn’t know how to open up and talk about how I was feeling, especially when you have children as you encourage them to talk openly about how they are feeling on a day-to-day bases. I wanted to be a role model to them. A rock they can always rely on (unbreakable).

After time I learnt that talking about our family and personal experiences and struggles have helped me understand the emotional issues associated with cancer. For me personally, having a realistic attitude and knowing that cancer can impact many aspects of life is helpful.

One of the best things you can do to improve your quality of life is to learn more about cancer. This can make the disease seem less mysterious and frightening. Direct communication with family and friends is really important as everyone wants to know whats happening/updates and long phone calls can be overwhelming at times, especially after long days in the hospital. We found creating a WhatsApp group helped with all the updates.

Whatever you’re going through, don’t suffer in silence.

Your not alone.

And yes I do take medication!

If there is anything I can help any of you with, please reach out. You are not alone.

By sharing this i know that I am not alone, I know that someone is listening. I suppose I am just saying that if you are not having a good day then please share it, don't dwell on it nor suffer in silence. Share it and someone will always be there for you.

However to truly make a difference, we need to make sure that we reach the non-cancer community. Those are the people who we can help to educate, enlighten & inspire just as much by what we are doing.

Little did i know this trip would change my life forever.

I said ‘yes’ to a trip to the Himalayas last November after some testing times. It was life-changing. Came back and said ‘yes’ again and set up a charity called Wolo Foundation (weonlyliveonce) - help families affected by cancer in Sussex. Hoping to inspire people to live for the now, say ‘yes’ and create some incredible memories.

We all need timeout

We’ve always been honest with our children, at the time of diagnosis. As a family, we have been in and out of hospital most of their lives, so for us we wanted to make the visits to the hospital a positive experience for them, as that was what they have ever known from visits and appointments in the past.

I knew they’d be less scared if they understood.
It was only fair to explain things to our children. It’s the way we wanted them to learn and come to terms with the situations they face. When they got home from school, we sat them down and told them about the cancer diagnosis. We explained what cancer was, and that none of us caused it. We also told them that the doctors had said they could treat mum with medicine, surgery and X-rays. We gave them big hugs and answered their many questions. And yes they did say is mummy going to die! We told them we hoped we would be with them for a very long time.

We all need timeout
We all need a break at some point. I remember updating the school with the situation and we randomly booked a few days away to reconnect with each other. Can’t tell you how important it is to take a break from life and be together as ‘ONE’ a family unit. We all had fun and lots of smiles. The time together made us all feel that can get through anything together.

We were able to celebrate together
When having treatment. Many cycles of chemotherapy, followed by a several operations and lymph node removal. Then did a course of radiotherapy. In the following days, weeks and months, we continued to tell the children about the upcoming treatments – how long they would last, what would be done to Mummy, and how it was going to help. When there were complications, we were honest with our disappointment and anger at the situations we were all in. After a year we had my review, and was told I was ‘cancer free’, and we celebrated together as a family!

Tips for telling children about cancer

Be honest
Make sure that you’re calm as you explain the diagnosis and treatment options, but be honest about how you feel. Children will react to your emotions and they’ll know when you’re hiding things. They may find it harder to trust what you say if they think that you are not telling them the truth.

Tell them early on
We told our children when mum found a lump that she was going to have some tests and that we would tell them the results when we knew them. They knew from experience that we would be honest with them and trusted that we weren’t trying to hide what was happening.

Follow their lead
Our children has always lapped up any medical information that we’ve given them and used it to help them process their feelings.

Keep them informed
We told the children about the diagnosis when we found out and continued to communicate at every stage of the treatment and subsequent check-ups and reviews.

Micro adventures
Try and book some days away when you all and spend quality time together and make some memories

Positive
It’s so important not get down and worry about the future. Must try and live in the here and now and inspire your children to be brave and inspire there friends. Maybe one day they will say “ my mum had cancer and she’s fine now”

Husband, partner, father… and caregiver

Finding a balance between work and parenting responsibilities is tough for anyone. For me it meant redefining myself as a dad and husband too. Overnight my priorities changed and I had a different perspective to life. We’re both 39 and couldn’t believe for one minute this was happening to our family. I felt guilt and asked why it couldn't be happing to me a day instead. Not to the mother of my children.

Seeing my wife passionate desire to fight cancer head-on, she would not let me see her break. So strong and a infectious positive attitude towards life that made me so strong. When she was diagnosed over a year ago, I was very fearful. But because we were in a fight for her life, I always said to myself, I must be the best possible version of myself I can be. Want to be a role model for my kids so they can remember that dad tried his best and live with no regrets. I made a decision that I was going to be who she needed me to be so that she could get better—whether that meant holding her hand, getting her medication, paying all the bills and paperwork (that’s another story) making sure she got to her appointments and keeping track of all the letters, calendars, school run, school dinners, childcare etc..” I was in charge for once…

And that’s what I did. For 14 months I dedicated myself to being her husband and her caregiver —and I was learning more than ever about cancer and the journey along the way. I kept notes on everything, because I knew that while she had amazing doctors and nurses, I was willing to contribute to her health, We even went vegan for a while and cut out dairy. Basically trying to live a healthier lifestyle. Even started running again! I wanted to dedicate myself in a way nobody else could. I found this the very rewarding as I could see that being in control gave her one less thing to worry about. Not to mention the 3 kids. Even they started to eat vegetables…